I’m at a strange stage of life with an open road ahead and so many possibilities. How do I choose what is right? Do I have to choose just one thing ? Such a dilemma. I hate making choices for fear of leaving someone behind or loosing a loved one. Every day it seems as if another page has turned. As a female, a mother and a wife it seems my days are full of decisions. Do I get another job? Do I wait and return to my last job? How will my decisions effect my sons? Where does my journey go from here? A million questions asked every day. Is their a book to help us on our journey ? Is their a group to give us support? What if we chose the wrong path ? Can we go back? Where can I find a guided path? Is their anyone out there that can provide guidance? These are all questions most of us are asking. I’m going to search the internet in hopes of answers. Maybe I can ask others that have already been where I am know. I will share my findings along the way. If anyone has any tips please share. I don’t know where I am headed but I pray for clarification along the way. I’ll write when my heart says to. I’ll share so if anyone follows it might help others. If anyone is on this journey too please reach out to me. A journey with friends is always a journey enjoyed.
My choices are easy for some but people like me that are indecisive are going to struggle. Maybe I should go easy way out and flip a coin. Maybe s roll of the dice. Close my eyes and pick from a list. Or better yet have hubby decide for me lol. I’m torn between what society would choose and what my heart says to do ☹️ I wonder how other people decide on big decisions ?? 🤔 In school they said make a list of pros and cons. One would stand out but what if they are equal ? Am I strong enough to choose both and let time figure it out? I asked my husband and he said he will support whatever decision I choose. He’s a very supportive man. My angel in work boots behind the wheel of a big rig. After 20 years I still get overwhelmed by the love I have for this man. He’s my rock my soulmate.
This week closes a chapter in my life ☹️ Friday 11/23 is my last day of work for Aspira. I’m being laid off. Can reapply next year if I want to. My supervisor Lia Mebane says she hopes I do. I have other job opportunity with a tax firm. I just need to finish signing up. It’s January thru April with possibility of full year if I do good. Intellectual wise it will be more fulfilling since that’s what I went to college for. Emotionally not thinking it will fulfill my need to help others like this job does. It’s my dilemma of what is more important for me ??? Ugggg ☹️☹️ I am thinking hard but have no clue what to choose. I wish I could make money with my crafts that’s what I enjoy the most but no money in that. I’d love to write a book but not having much luck with that. It’s easy for those to share advice but there are no quick fixes. No magic pills. No prescriptions. Some of us fight this battle alone and some with a loved one. I’ve searched the internet for an instruction book and have had no luck I didn’t find classes to enroll into either. Some have moms that can help but my mom is ill equipped. She has good intentions but not much information. It’s due to the way she was raised. Her father was an alcoholic and very abusive. I’m sure they never talked about feelings or what was right in life. He chased my uncle away to join the military and he became a lifer. Sometimes it’s best to run away, murder does not look good on a resume. From what i’ve learned reconnecting with my uncle that could have happened. I personally think it would have been well deserved. Beating your tiny little wife is horrid. Back in those days it was a daily thing. I’m glad times have changed at least a little bit.
Date night October20, 2018
I’ve joined a facebook group called “Spiritual G Spot”. You can join it here https://www.facebook.com/groups/219129234948553/. The lady that runs it does motivating posts daily. I hope it encourages you to live your life fully. Like she says let your light shine and you can never be “Too much woman”. I’m hoping to go see her in person at Niagara Falls. Hubby knows where that is since he goes there every day for work.
It’s a blessed day, 8 am is so peaceful maybe I’ll get up early from now on and write. Today is my last day of work. I have a 2 hour shift then I’m done 😦 for how long I’m not sure but it gives me time to focus on myself and what’s my next step. I will end this here and go enjoy my day. My oldest is here for Thanksgiving and I want to enjoy my time with him. Later he heads back to the Big city not sure when we will see him again. He brought his girlfriend with him and she’ s super nice. We also got to meet Aaron’s new wife she is great. We plan on going to Mississippi soon to see them again. I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving and I’ll be back soon. Just remember to hug your trucker tight. Mine has my heart and I will be sad Sunday when he returns to normal work. Until then I will enjoy him being around. Or at least until he pisses me off lol.
Here are a few questions no one ever asks but were bugging me. Click on the blue words for links to more information. This is perfect for family night trivia. I’ve also added a yummy taco recipe for you to enjoy together 🤩
I hope you enjoy this trivia and these tacos. I personally have never tried this recipe. I do a basic no measure one. I brown 1 1/2 pounds ground beef and ground turkey mix. The turkey helps lower the calories. I rinse off grease then add water as called for on the packet. Sometimes we use Old El Paso other days we use a generic brand. I cut up normal lettuce, tomato, shredded cheese. If we are doing soft tacos I sometime heat up a can of black beans. Rinse and strain before use. The slime at he bottom of the can can make you lose your appetite. We serve sour cream on the side if anyone wants it. Sometimes we substitute ground meat with boneless skinless chicken breast. Cut into small pieces of course. Buffet style set up is best. Lots less mess to clean up. Paper plates or styrofoam plates are good to use. We have a back deck that is perfect for this meal. My boys and hubby really enjoy these relaxed type of meals. Know I have trivia questions to ask hem. Who knows maybe it will start a new family tradition. Possibly can do on a Saturday night since everyone has those off from work. Can put a blanket own on he floor in our living room for cold New York nights. It would kinda be like a picnic. It might be fun for everyone.
We could even do it in our pj’s. I buy us a pair every year for Christmas Eve. I usually get matching ones from Kohl’s but this year I’m going to try target. That is my new favorite store. I signed up on a whim my last visit. They gave me a credit card and I earned $10 in gift cards with my last purchase. They have great sales and have a good coupon policy. They allow you to match paper coupons with digital ones using their cartwheel app. You can find it described more by following this link. If I can ever figure out how to fix my Apple ID I would download it again. Something to add to my ever growing To Do list. I have a few more wreaths to make for friend and family gifts first. I hope they like them. I enjoyed making them. The tri colored one I’m thinking of adding a small chalkboard to it. Can write Merry Christmas on it or whatever suits your fancy. Maybe you would prefer it in Polish like our friends the Lis family. Either way you get to choose.
If you have a favorite recipe feel free to share it with me. Maybe next time I’ll post your recipe. As always hug your trucker tight. I’m sure he will enjoy these tacos after a long run and might even know the trivia answers too.
I’m a lover of the INTERNET . There I said it kind of shocking right. Truly who would admit that the internet has a hold of them. 30 years ago we didn’t hear about it much. Nowadays it’s everywhere. I even work full time doing campground reservations online. Unheard of when I was growing up. I mean really no one worked online. We were lucky to have more than 3 tv channels. But back on track I love the internet. So much great creative stuff online.
I am growing my business Get Crafty With Kathy. It seems I’m everywhere I have my Facebook page, where I started. I’m on Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter. I even recently started a YouTube channel. I get loads of ideas from everywhere just not enough time to do all the crafts I want to do.
I’ll add links to my Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter another time.
I’ve also learned lately that we can make $$ with our blog. Becoming an affiliate is how we do it. First program I became affiliate for is Bluehost. My affiliate link is right here https://www.bluehost.com/track/lifeofatruckerswife If anyone clicks on my link and purchases from Bluehost I earn a small monetary amount. Sign up for yourself maybe you will get extra money for Christmas.
If you want to make a swag and not spend a lot of $$$ grab some Dollar Tree candy cane frames. Place them on your work space one curve up and one curve down. Connect using zip ties from your favorite store.
Ladies have discussed doing 2 outside rows and then-inside 2. Exactly like using the round frame. Other ladies have said use 10 inch poufs with 21 inch mesh. Then add ruffles and rolls of 10 inch mesh. I suggest doing what you are comfortable with.
I have an account on Pinterest that might inspire you. Check it out here Candy Cane. When you have some time you can join me on here on my Facebook page. I sell my creations in a Etsy shop. Go browse my Treasures here. Hope you find great gifts for your family and friends. I recently started a YouTube channel. It’s a work in process but feel free to check it out. Me live or at least trying. Favorite my Channel and be alerted when I add more videos. I’m trying lots of ways to get my creations out there to inspire everyone. Feel free to leave me a message on what you want to see. Enjoying life and hopefully inspiring others.
Woke up early had a horrific dream 😡😡😡 hubby and I were on an island only 1 way in or out. He was driving I was walking. I couldn’t keep up and he drove off. I joined up with cop to help me. Pouf he’s back saying he got lost couldn’t find me he’s sorry. Thing is we were close to exit not believing the I got lost story seems like a lie. Fell asleep again this time he doesn’t come back and he has my purse. I give cop info on Jeremy Insetta since he’s only a few states away. he’s not listed in phone book. Alarm goes off I need to go potty am up now writing this horrible story. He commented yesterday about sleeping so deep he didn’t realize I got up.
Is this dream playing on my biggest fear of him leaving me behind? Or is it my paranoia resurfacing since I stopped my second med for a week? I will have to research. I’m almost in tears from this 😭 I rely on my hubby a lot. He made joking comment about a wife driving her hubby away because she was to clingy and did nothing for herself. Did it mean more than he thought? I asked he said no. Maybe it was his inner psyche popping up. He also commented on how in Sidney I was more independent. He goes along with me talking about not driving much not needing my car. How I don’t really need it especially in winter. Had previous winter bad accident when we lived in Otego with my mini van. Is that why I am terrified of winter snowy roads? Had another bad accident where some one t boned me. This was in Sidney. I still have problems to this day with my neck hurting. Is this why I’m afraid to drive his truck? Are my fears coming back to haunt me? I feel so dependent on him nowadays. Is it because I’m afraid of loosing him? Does that stem from time he left in Sidney? Am I over thinking this like he says or is he under-thinking what his brain is hiding from him. Some say our jokes are part truths. That they shine on our true thoughts. It’s terrifying. I was single parent when Dom was a baby. Why does that terrify me now. Am I getting to comfortable with him doing everything? Should I seek professional advice on this? What information can I find on internet? Does my fear stem from abandonment issues from my childhood? Is it because my dad was always leaving? Am I overthinking this? Not going to be able to go back to sleep now. Going to get dressed for the day and get cup of coffee. Is it because my inner thought of weight I’ve gained ? Yet he has gained weight too. Does anyone have any insights ? Am I loosing my mind having a breakdown like my mom did? Is it from stress from holidays? Why do I have such deep guilt that I need to do more for my hubby so I don’t lose him? Why do I have so many questions and fears? Are they linked to my childhood ? My abandonment issues from being in foster care? That my parents’s life’s went on without us while we were in care. Did they think about us or just go on with normal life’s without a brief thought of us? It’s the past can’t dwell on it. But it still haunts me. How can a parent continue with their life without a thought, while kids were separated from them ? I couldn’t do it. Is that why I fought like hell to keep my kids out of foster care? Does a parents past repeat itself with their own kids? For example my sister laurie. Is my sister’s failure as a parent what keeps us from having a relationship ? Is my sister thinking back about how she always disliked my parenting? Does she feel guilty since she failed her 2 oldest and they ended up in care? Is it because I tend to talk behind her back? Why don’t I just text her and ask? Is it me or is it her? Why are we so disconnected ? Is it due to being separated in foster care? Is that another abandonment issue? I need advice on stuff my dream is bringing up. I need my dream analyzed. Does it all stem from my childhood? Do I have more abandonment then I thought? How can I change this into something positive for someone else? Why do I always feel the need to try and help others? Is it because my mom used to be that way? Nowadays money has changed her to more like I see Cindy? Is money that so important to her that she abandoned her kids? Is that my guilt popping up for situation with Dominic where we let him live with friend? Did that screw him up causing him to be over sensitive today? Why do men see their sensitivity as a weakness? Is this what society is teaching us? I see nothing wrong with a man being sensitive. I’ve seen my hubby cry and don’t feel it shows him as weak. He’s a truck driver they are roughy roughy guys right? No signs of weakness just they are human. Are my perspectives that put of wack? Is my guilt with Dom stemmed from what I went thru? Why am I just realizing now that letting my son live with Trevor was just a step above foster care crap? I’m getting tire will need a nap like yesterday ? Is that a sign of weakness? Why does my brain justify that as being better then what I did ? Been writing for an hour got some stuff out but my normal stuff the crap I’ve stuffed down has left me with a huge giant pile. Is it time now that I’m older to deal with all these things? Who do I ask for advice? Should I show this to hubby so he sees craziness I hide? Is it going to help or do more damage? A bit overwhelmed so stopping for now. Why do I question everything? Is it from my ms depression or just paranoia ? Why do I have these thoughts? Is my dream causing this? Does anyone ever read my Facebook posts? Should I just give up sharing? Where do I go from here?
Why do I need coffee to start my day? Am I addicted? Is it my substitute for stopping smoking? Do I think too much?
I carried you in my belly for 9 months. I went through 13 hours of hard labor for my first son then sliced pelvic bone to pelvic bone for the last two. I wiped your ass for 3 years until you could do it for yourself. Through the hell off potty training even when u hid behind the couch to poop. Yea I knew, it was written all over your face.
Even when dad yelled while potty training you and you tried to catch his flow lol. Glad I wasn’t there. I would have died laughing. When your brother played in a poopy potty seat because dad didn’t get to it fast enough. When you got your heart broke by your first girl and would only talk to dad about it.
Mom went through it, I had my heart broken but you live through it. Mom wears her heart on her sleeve. It’s just a part of growing up. You all made it out of high school. Mom only had to go to one meeting that she wanted to kill a school advisor at. Man head start was so much easier. Reading books and going on field trips. Your excitement when you all saw your first cow 🐮. The huge smile my youngest had, when he got to sit on a huge tractor 🚜. All the great teachers that helped get you ready for regular school. Sad 😔 to say I was not ready for your first day. Or even graduation 👨🎓.
Dom graduating from college and I couldn’t go. NYC way too scary for me. It was painful. You are my babies I didn’t want you to grow up. I still don’t.
Your dad and I have stuck it out for all those years. I remember us really sticking together when I was pregnant. I woke up stuck to his back. I leaked breast milk all over him and we stuck together. He had very soft skin on his back in those days. Breast milk is good for your skin, who knew. That was not the only time my breast milk made us laugh. It was like torpedos in the shower it squirted every where. Even an innocent friend got it from across the room. Babies 👶 don’t help much with that. A turn of the head and it’s like a squirt gun. Look 👀 out anyone within 15 feet squirting distance. If you get squirted be happy 😊 you where the “chosen one “ lol 😆 In my defense you where in the wrong place at the wrong time. The people we hear 👂 that use it in their coffee ☕️ are just nasty 🤢. I don’t hangout with them. Damn weird os. You will get nowhere in life and mom wouldn’t approve. Not as if you ever listened to me much. I always over reacted but hey you survived I didn’t get you killed or hurt that much.
When it comes time for you to have children 👶 of your own I have a little bit of advice take it or leave it. I made it through many years with you all and I’m not completely grey or crazy 😜. Well crazy is still up for further discussion 😝 Some house advice, No matter how pretty the paint the cracks will show back up.
Like in relationships find the inner problem don’t just cover it up. If left alone it just gets worse. Get a good alarm clock ⏰ you don’t want to miss anything. Take lots of pictures. Make a scrapbook they are very useful when you get older and your memory goes like dad’s. Also they are a great way to embarrass your kids when they bring special people home 🏠 to meet you. Potty training pics are the best.
As I sit here on Christmas 🎄 2018. I think of all the fun stuff we’ve done through the years.
All of the runs to the emergency room with Brian Jr when he was younger. The day in Sidney Dom tried to do a bunny hop on his bike. The day logan got cut above his eye. I almost passed out 😵 a few times seeing you guys get stitches. It was horrific. Someone causing pain to one of my babies 👶 “How dare they” !!!! Such brave boys through it all. Some fun along the way too. Dominic coming to see Jr after his ear surgery. The duck hat was precious. Everyone coming back from trick or treating in Sidney. All laughing because Jr fell and his Dixie horn went off. That was a great 🎃. So glad dad made Brian Jr’s General lee costume. The year in Sidney where we made all the fake head stones. I couldn’t believe people were stopping and taking pictures. It was awesome. I’d love to go back to those happy days. I hope you all have some memorable moments from childhood. To live it again would be Priceless. But as we all know if we could go back we would. So when you have your own kids don’t try to rush. You too will get to a day where your house is silent and you wonder where time went. This is life. We all live it. Try to enjoy it while you can and always remember I am just a phone call away. All the love in my heart goes to you and dad. Just wish grandpa could see you know all grown up. I’ll treasure the memories every day.
There are lots of videos on YouTube that will show you how to do this. I’ve watched lots and this is my version. I hope you find it helpful. If you have any questions just catch up with me on Facebook. To save money you can make your own work wreath. I use dollar tree wreath forms and I also get pipe cleaners there. I pre-prep all my pipe cleaners by cutting them in half. I also order 4 wreath forms at a time. I have delivered to my local store, for free. You can also have delivered to your house for a minimal fee. Pretty much all the supplies you will need to make a wreath you can get from that store. They even have awesome signs at Dollar Tree, that work perfect. Recently I got a lawn stake and just broke stick part off. Can’t even tell 🙂
I do 9 on 2nd loop from top, then I do 7 on loop 4. Others do 18 on outer loop 3 on each of the 6 sections and 9 on second loop. After doing a few you will find what works best for you. If using the cut method, the width of your mesh and size of your puffs decides amount of puffs. If your using an uncut mesh roll then just prepare pipe cleaners in advance. With that method it’s easier to just add as you go. Around 4 or 5 in each of the 6 sections. When you start connecting mesh I suggest using a zip tye. They are much stronger and you can pull them tigher. I would finish with one also. I connect onto 2 inner loops and only need to go around wreath once. Usually the 21” mesh uses just 1 roll. If you want it fuller just add more to each section. No rules just what you decide you like. Trial and error.
When doing the section version, I glue each spot with hot glue afterward. This helps them stay in place and makes work easier for you. Not moving around really helps. The finished product looks like this. Not too pretty but once you add all the mesh you don’t even see the ties. If you want you can match the colors of ties to mesh your using. So for just $2.00 + tax you have a work wreath. Online they are like $6 to $7 it’s ridiculous. So simple to make and doesn’t take much time. I found, many videos on youtube that go over this.
Here are a few of my finished wreaths. They make great gifts 🎁 for Christmas 🎄. That’s what I did. Even can sell to friends and family.
This wreath was made for my cousin Jessica. She loved it.
This one went to my friend Christina.
My sister Laurie got this one. She loved it so much she bought one for a friend.
If you wanted to find more supplies, I’ve purchased some from Joann’s or Michael’s. I joined their mailing lists and they send me great coupons. I also recently bought mesh from http://craftoutlet.com/ I’ll share more information on that once I get my order. One supply you won’t find at Dollar Tree would be a mesh holder. You would have to go to Susie’s
Just sitting and thinking on this frigid NY day. It’s getting close to the end of the year. Thinking how fast it went by. I’ve learned writing can help clear your mind and cleanse your soul. Goodbye to yesterday’s drama. Hello to a beautiful new day. More to explore more to learn.
Beautiful picture my friend posted on Facebook. So peaceful looking.
I’m learning not to let my older sister dim my shine. I have risen from her shadow and I’m doing great without her in my life. Life is better with less “cloudy” type people in it. There comes a time in life when you need to turn your back and walk away. Sadly you will loose contact with others involved but it’s for your growth and happiness. You don’t need that anchor around your waist. Wash your hands of it and walk away. It’s exhilarating not having that weight on your shoulders. It’s not being selfish it’s for self preservation. You will grow and realize they were not a necessity in your life. You will shine brighter without them around. You can be self sufficient and strong. On to better people that will shine with you and raise you up. Get out your sunglasses because it’s your time to shine. Someone holding you back just shake them off and continue on. Life is too short for people to hold you back just because they can’t see your shine. Distance might let them realize you don’t need them and are better without them. Keep close those that see where you are going and cheer you on.
I’m one of the lucky ones. My hubby stands with me and compliments me. He’s my rock. When he was in training for his CDL license I was his cheerleader. Encouraging and praising him along the way. Celebrating his achievements and letting him rest on my shoulder when he was tired. He made it through training and our family is better because of it. I’m proud of him and all the hard work he does for our family. He’s a strong family man who is loved by his 3 sons. I would be lost without him.
Recently I made him his favorite meal. Corned beef and cabbage yummy. Here is the recipe I used :
1corned beef brisket(3-4lbs)
2.5 – 3cupswater
2lbspotatoes, peeled & quartered
2large carrots, chopped
1small head of cabbage, cut into wedges
Here are the instructions :
Chop onion into large chunks and place in the bottom of a 6 qt slow cooker. Top with corned beef and seasoning packet.
Pour water into slow cooker until it just about covers the corned beef. Add garlic and bay leaves.
Cook on low 8-10 hours.
After the initial 3 hours, add potatoes and carrots to the slow cooker.
Two hours before serving, add cabbage wedges to the slow cooker.
Remove corned beef from slow cooker and let rest 15 minutes before slicing. Serve with potatoes, carrots and cabbage.
What other people think does not determine your future destination.
Internal struggle I have battled with my whole life. I’ve always been compared to my older sister. I realize now that I’m older I acted out as a child because I felt ignored. I was the flower in the top left corner of a huge wall of flowers. Hidden away treated like I was less. Not sure when these feeling first came about I must have been really young. When my parents split each of them took one of us my sister being the favorite, went with Mom. I was left with Dad and his soon-to-be wife. Trying to fit into their lives I felt like I didn’t belong, so I retreated into books. I tried at school, with little luck, to make friends. Another day another blog post, I’m not ready to open those old wounds.
Morris, New York
Biggest thing that I hated in foster care, was being moved to different foster homes. I started in Oneonta then story gets good. By the time I was released I had lived in Milford, South Valley and Morris. I’m still friends with first foster family from Oneonta. Their daughter is a good friend. People in Miilford didn’t care for very much. Next was South Valley to live with Becker family. Nancy the foster mom was a sweet heart. Then off to Morris to live with the Webster family. I loved it there. I was able to finally do cheerleading. It was awesome. I enjoyed it very much. I learned a lot about myself at that school. I had great friends some I still speak to this day. I tried to keep my nose clean and stay away from trouble. Although, I remember one instance of me being rebellious. I left school during teacher strike and my friends covered me. I tried to walk to my sister’s foster home in Edmeston. Now that I look back it was stupid. Morris is a long way from Edmeston. Luckily a nice couple picked me up. They drove me to my sister’s school and dropped me off. I needed a release. I was angry. Got talked to by foster parents about how teachers were wrong to protest. That’s grownup business I really didn’t give a sh**. Now as a grown up I understand the importance.
Otsego county had a program called “Independent living skills”. We got to do so much stuff and go to many places. We went to NYC to NYU. Also went to a few other colleges. My foster mother Carol was head of this group. I felt like I fit in finally. We went to Long Beach Island. It was my first experience enjoying the ocean. Big difference from NY hill I had grown up on. We learned about cooking, budgeting and cleaning. Everything we needed to know to leave foster care and go out on our own. One important thing it didn’t teach us was that on holiday vacations from college the dorms would close. If you didn’t stay connected to your foster family you had no place to go. My first grown-up realization that “adulting” sucks. Here I am over 20 years later and they still haven’t fixed that problem. It’s sad.
Until next time Hug your trucker tight and try to get more enjoyment in your life.
Brief early morning thoughts I wanted to share. I’m sure many other people know exactly what I’m talking about. To those people it’s ok to stuff it in further or let it out. Happiness is like a fluttering butterfly. Grab it while you can before it passes you by. We don’t know when we will get to see it again. Hold it tight and memorize it in hopes of mimicking it. We can control some of our happiness so choose today to keep it.
In the middle of all my happiness there is a bit of sadness. Reach in push it down. Not today sadness it’s my happy day. I will deal with you later. For today I choose to be happy. I want to enjoy life. Sadness is a thing of the past I don’t want to deal with it. I’m enjoying my time snuggled all up in bed with my hubby. He’s so warm it invites sleep swiftly. As I drift off into happy sleep my last thought is how much I love my husband. How he makes my life complete and I need to remind him. Without him it would just be me and how lonely that would be.
Till later have a blessed day and hug your trucker tight ❤️❤️❤️